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This Week in Reefer Madness: Marijuana Can Cause Stoned Rabbits, Crack Babies

By Oscar Pascual |

As much progress as the legalization of marijuana has seen in recent times, there are always a few drug fighters waiting in the wings, ready to spoil a good time in the name of their own special interests.

While that job seems to have gone to TV host Nancy Grace lately, she may be taking a break this week as both the DEA and Fox News do the heavy lifting when it comes to weed scare tactics.

The red state of Utah recently introduced medical marijuana legislation as lawmakers desperately seek reprieve for the eighth-highest rate of prescription overdose in the nation.

“Personally, I think this is a good alternative to opiates. We’ve seen that when this is available, overdoses decrease,” said Senator Mark Madsen.

While Senator Madsen wants to make one of the most non-toxic painkillers in the pharmacopoeia legally available, DEA Special Agent Matt Fairbanks is more concerned with cute, innocent bunnies.

As a member of Utah’s “Marijuana Eradication Team,” Fairbanks believes providing patients with safe access to medical marijuana will only mark the decline of Western rabbit civilization.

“I deal in facts. I trade in science,” Fairbanks said in testimony before the Utah Senate panel, just before uttering one of the most non-fact, non-scientific claims ever heard in public.

Faribanks went on to name illegal breeding areas where he “would encounter rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana.” He continued: “One of them refused to leave us and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instinct to run had somehow disappeared.”

Let’s not forget that raw marijuana has no psychoactive properties. Raw marijuana has no THC – it has THC-A, or tetrahydrocannabinolic acid, the biosynthetic precursor to THC. THC-A must undergo a process called decarboxylation to become THC (the most common method of decarboxylation is called “building a flame”). While THC-A supposedly has health benefits according to cannabis juice supporters, getting stoned is impossible. This means that Fairbanks himself must smoke something to make such an absurd claim.

While the DEA prefers to focus on the welfare of furry mammals, Dr. David Samadi from Fox News that we’re thinking about the kids.

In a Saturday edition of Fox and Friends, Samadi took the time to discredit a recent study showing that marijuana is safer than other recreational drugs like tobacco and alcohol.

“It actually causes heart attacks,” Samadi said, based on no professionally written report. “It raises your heart rate. And so forth.”

Samadi then turned to Colorado’s alleged “crack baby” epidemic for his next argument.

“We see in Colorado that we had 13 children who came to the emergency [room] and ended up in ICU due to a marijuana overdose,” said Samadi. “Now crack babies are coming in because pregnant women are smoking this whole marijuana business.”

Finally, we checked whether you need to swallow crack before you can have a crack baby. Nevertheless, Samadi remains confident in his medical prowess.

“I challenge all doctors, come to my Facebook, convince me how this is healthy for you. I am 100 percent against this,” Samadi said.

Hopefully Sanjay Gupta will come forward so we can witness a medical debate of Pacquiao/Mayweather proportions.

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