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Tuesday, November 29, 2022

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Five Things to Do Stoned in SF

Because going to the movies or picking up a Bi-Rite cone is getting old.

This year has been a wild ride so far and the need to take the rim off has never been
really (at least for me). To that end, I tried to innovate my smoking weed
habits by creating fun little adventures to take around the city. I’m always on the
active side, and that personality trait persists after I get high.

Here are a few suggestions for things to do after smoking a motivational strain unique to San Francisco.

A tropical oasis — complete with orchids – tucked away in the Inner Richmond.

I heard about 6th Avenue Aquarium 11 years ago when my then girlfriend lived around the corner. First, it’s not just an aquarium – it doubles as an orchid
store. Before crossing the threshold into the calming blue abyss of gurgling aquariums, be sure to take a moment to appreciate the beautiful collection of orchids for sale at the front of the shop. The unique details of each flower are trippy to say the least, and to my knowledge this is the only place in town where you can pick up a beautiful plant and a tropical fish at the same time.

I recommend putting on some headphones, firing up some riding Krautrock, and taking your time wandering around the shop. The graceful movements of the fish are a sight to behold, and their crazy names are a great source of inspiration, especially if you’re starting a metal band. Highlights include “Pink Marble Convict”, “Medusa Worm”, “Black Skirts” and “Clown Loach” – although the latter sounds more like a member of the Insane Clown Posse.
6th Avenue Aquarium, 425 Clement St. (415) 668-7190

Come for the herons, stay for the ducklings.

Stow Lake is one of the chilliest places in Golden Gate Park, and lately I’m getting
super high and participating in a bird-forward sequence of events that I found most enjoyable. First I jump over one of the bridges to the middle island (known as Strawberry Hill) and watch the great blue herons that have built a nest on a neighboring island. My favorite place to look around is on a path near the base of the

If you’ve had enough of watching the majestic herons soar effortlessly over the calm, man-made lake, it’s time for The Duckling Hunt. This part is seasonal, so I recommend getting outside before they all grow up. Start with a walk around the brush on the shores of the lake. If you’re lucky, you might catch a glimpse of an adult duck leading a trail of fluffy little ducklings through the water that might as well be out of a children’s book.
Stow Lake, 50 Stow Lake Dr. goldengatepark.com

Enjoy the flavors, sights and smells like a foreign market.

There’s something about smoking weed that naturally makes me more curious than when I’m sober, and I’ve found wandering foreign markets and trying new foods is a particularly exciting experience.

Head to Nijiya Market in Japantown and at first you will be seduced by the siren song of recently made sushi, salads, bento boxes and karaage-style fried chicken. Keep moving and you’ll find a refrigerated aisle with every kind of green tea drink you can think of. After that, I recommend going through the frozen treats section and the candy aisle. It doesn’t matter if you can’t read the ingredients – make selections based on products with cool packaging, bright colors or particularly delicious-looking images of the food.

You can also head to New World Market, a place that feels like it flew out of Russia and landed right on a lot in the Richmond. The confectionery has gotten out of hand and their cured meats are on point. Like Nijiya Market, the packaging of the food here is super cool, especially the tins with many different types of chocolate wafer cookies. The people behind the counter will usually let you taste anything you want, and I haven’t found a comparable selection of Russian and Eastern European beer anywhere else in the city.
Nijiya Market, 1737 Post St. (415) 563-1901.
New World Market, 5641 Geary Blvd. (415) 751-8810.

A natural history museum made for stoners.

Paxton Gate is without a doubt one of the trippiest spots in the city. (And as taxidermy
If you’re going crazy, you might want to skip this one.) Their company caters to the cross-section of consumers interested in animal skeletons and busts, butterfly specimens, succulents, and crystals.

The interior is reminiscent of a magical cabin in the woods, complete with antique cabinets with dozens of small drawers containing talismanic treasures. Be sure to pick up a fox penis bone, beaver tooth, or dead butterfly for that special someone. They will surely thank you later.
Paxton Gate, 824 Valencia St. (415) 824-1872 or paxtongate.com

Site-specific odes to dead trees.

Andy Goldsworthy — a sculptor who uses natural elements and adjustments
them in cool installations – created a series of sculptures featuring trees cut during a large-scale reforestation project at the Presidio.

“Spire (2008)” is a 30-foot spire made with 37 Monterey cypress trees that sits in a clearing of the Bay Area Ridge Trail near the parking lot for the Presidio golf course. Also located along the Bay Area Ridge Trail near Presidio Boulevard and West Pacific Avenue, “Wood Line (2011)” is a winding trail made of sections of eucalyptus that winds through a forest of tall trees.

A third Goldsworthy sculpture – “Tree Fall (2013)” – is located in the Powder Magazine building on the Presidio’s Main Post. The ceiling consists of a felled eucalyptus encased in clay made from local dirt, intended to show visitors the tree’s underground root systems. If getting high and viewing immersive underground conceptual art sparks your interest, this place is for you.
thepresidio.gov or bayarearidgetrail.org

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