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Monday, March 20, 2023

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Dabs on the go with Nimbus

Stephan is in such a mood today that it was a miracle that I could even produce new lines for my autobiographical novel, The Tiger’s Revenge. My companion monkey — for he’s long since rejected the diminutive of “pet” — sulks. Since the incident with the new vaporizer, he’s either stared at me from the corner or furiously banged letters to the editor on the manual typewriter he uses. Yes, the animal is as literate as everyone else, and in many cases even more so. If Stephan hadn’t saved my life in India after the tiger found me, I would have found a new companion long ago.

But he is here, and he was here to witness my experience with the Nimbus. With a list price of $79.99, the Nimbus qualifies as a budget vape pen. And it works. If Stephan had his way, the review would end there. I can say that it can get you high and it does. Can’t say I highly recommend it, especially to monkey owners with strong views on typesetting.

The high-quality gray metal cylinder unscrews again and again, revealing a structure resembling an old moon rocket in four parts: mouthpiece, the “hood” (extra tube to cool the vapor), a chamber with a coil and a battery base .

The Nimbus only uses extracts and oils – no dry weed at all. Flexibility is a big asset for vape pens, but I don’t judge the lack against the Nimbus; any forewarned buyer is undoubtedly an extract lover. However, I should mention that this restriction is not mentioned anywhere on the packaging or instructions.

There I said it: “instructions”. Stephan is now swinging books at my back – he just dented my screen with our hardcover copy of Infinite Jest. I avoided a concussion, but damn it. If he manages to open a can of his dog food, I’ll be cleaning for weeks. Where will my novel be then?

Yes, yes, the instructions are bad! I’m telling the world now, Stephan. Calm yourself.

A small fold-out pamphlet. A font so small that Stephan insists it’s 2.5 point. These instructions tell us how to use the one button system to turn it on, they tell us how to switch between three voltage settings, they even show us how to enter a Stealth mode so it doesn’t light up when our parents would happen to get us in the dark of the schoolyard.

But they don’t tell us how to get high.

I think I should have known that a straight vape pen is a push-and-hold system, but maybe I’m too used to finer products. I charged it, I made sure it was on, I put a lot of wax in it. I tried to speak voice commands. Finally, when I held down the button out of sheer frustration, vapor spewed out, and in a rare fit of journalistic fervor, I clenched my mouth, and my trusty old lungs exploded into full sail.

The next thing I remember is Stephan sitting at my work table staring me in the face, way too close for comfort, his lips (as they are) rippling off his fangs.

I was too stoned. Way too stoned. The vaporizer lashed out at me, like a taser invented by an evil version of Mr. Natural. Wax is best as an accent; the straight stuff tasted awful and howled at me from the spool of the Nimbus. Later it occurred to me that it might have been the user who had made a mistake – then I realized that the voltage had been set to its lowest setting.

It happens to all of us sometimes. I tried to distract myself; I watched the first third of Guardians of the Galaxy of all things, but it was way too intense and Stephan hated the raccoon. I retired to bed, pulled the covers over my head, and almost began to pray. Finally I fell asleep dreaming just a loop from the old television PSA about the fried egg.


Cool Factor: It has a nice solid feel, high quality machined metal, a clean design but otherwise it is unobtrusive. However, if delivering a massive load of THC is cool, then the Nimbus is ice cold.

practical: I’ll try to be objective: you should enjoy extracts and you should take small sips. In terms of payload, it can carry a lot, although loading sticky wax with a small spoon (included) almost inevitably means getting tarry residue on the fingers. I can’t figure out how long the battery lasts, but I imagine long enough to knock over everyone in a typical saloon.

Affordability: Maybe it’s not quite a compliment, but at $79.99, the Nimbus is great value for money. Bang is the operative word here.

General: The design is solid, but the experience is inelegant. I can only recommend it unreservedly to those who have built up an unimaginable tolerance.

Rating: 3/5 for authors, more for those of you who need to dab on the go without the mess and fire hazard of a rig.

Photo by Gabrielle Lurie

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