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A guide to Outside Lands, if the headliners were cannabis strains


The Outside Lands music festival lands in Golden Gate Park in August and there will be no shortage of cannabis consumed during the annual three-day bacchanalia of live music, food and art.

But what if each of the biggest acts on Outside Lands was a dose, hit, or puff of cannabis? We took the personality quiz model and applied it to the Outside Lands headliners to determine which buds, edibles and concentrates could compliment your favorite Outside Lands music act – and determine what dose each personifies.

Abraham Caro Marin/AP

Abraham Caro Marin/AP

1. Elton John – Grandfather Kusho

Elton John, the grandfather of all the pop stars who play Outside Lands, manifests in marijuana form as Granddaddy Kush, the combination of OG Kush and Granddaddy Purple, two of the biggest mainstream hits ever in the cannabis industry.

Elton is shamelessly decked out in sparkling crystals, with an aromatic flair about him and a citrusy taste that is sweetly eccentric. With high potency, he can perform all night long and keep up the hits. And like the Kush, Elton has some hair, but not much.

Zoran Orlic

Zoran Orlic

2. Wilco – Purple Nepalese hash

The super airy and stony sounds of Wilco are the soft smoke of Purple Nepal hash. A sleepy nighttime high that helps the cat fall asleep, Wilco even sounds like a cat with his meowing steel guitar riffs. The band’s impossibly perfect pop grooves are a fresh, clean, intoxicating high that makes familiar pleasures feel like you’re doing them for the first time.

Robb D. Cohen/Invision/AP

Robb D. Cohen/Invision/AP

3. Mumford and Sons – 100mg Cannabis Brownie

The spicy sugar high of a fine pot of brownie nicely mimics the sound of Mumford and Sons. Like Mumford and Sons, a cannabis brownie is social and accessible to everyone. The creepy beginnings make for beautiful and ethereal moments, and the sugar kicks in for those segments when the music goes into full Irish jig mode. Mumford and Sons is soft, sweet, occasionally nutty and reminiscent of home, the hearth and days gone by.

Robb D. Cohen/Invision/AP

Robb D. Cohen/Invision/AP

4. D’Angelo – Sexxpot

His shirtless days dominated MTV airplay behind him, but D’Angelo remains pure sex nonetheless. Until someone releases some kind of “Brown Sugar”, he’s the aphrodisiac strain Sexxpot. He gets you in the mood and gives up the funk with a soulful, updated Prince-meets-George Clinton sound, makes you consider taking your shirt off, and often inspires heavy grinding. (NOTE: Please don’t go beyond first base with your public displays of affection at Outside Lands).

Paul A. Herbert/Invision/AP

Paul A. Herbert/Invision/AP

5. Ben Harper – OG Headband Honey Oil

Genre-mixing Ben Harper is an OG Headband Honey Hash Oil which itself is a blend of OG Kush and Sour Diesel. It mixes a sweet, steamy blend of gospel, reggae and bluesy guitar noodles to relax you and relieve your stress. Its main ingredients are all the good stuff, the nuggets and flowers rather than the shake and trim.

Jeff Lombardo/Invision/AP

Jeff Lombardo/Invision/AP

6. Black Keys – Time Wreck

The rough and raw sounds of the Black Keys evoke the super potent THC content of the potent bud strain called Timewreck. Their superfuzzy feedback gives you a disorienting euphoria, while their vocal harmonies soar different parts of your brain. The Black Keys make sound sound beautiful and they are definitely too intense for party amateurs.

Weeklydig/Flickr

Weeklydig/Flickr

7. Amon Tobin – ISAM 2.0 Permafrost Wax

Amon Tobin’s stunning “EDM without beats” orchestrations will be presented at Outside Lands as ISAM 2.0, a 3D sculpture projection project that will immerse your eyes and ears. These sensory highs are no different to Permafrost wax dabs, creating a full body high and a feeling of total relaxation, despite being so high you think you’ve entered another dimension.

Photo by Jeff Lombardo/Invision/AP

Photo by Jeff Lombardo/Invision/AP

8. Kendrick Lamar – Chemdawg Kief

The kief is strong with Kendrick Lamar, whose highly synthesized, beautifully developed flow is the kief of OG Kush and Sour Diesel. This carefully mixed musical wizardry has a powerful kief potency with cerebral swirls and whooshes embellishing a sensual beat. He makes extremely funny lyrics that will keep you in a state of giggles. Kendrick burns slowly, creating huge puffy clouds of smoke.

Robert Altman/Invision/AP

Robert Altman/Invision/AP

9. Tame Impala – Purple Urkle Shatter

Tame Impala looks a lot like Sgt. Pepper on its third hit of acid, and the melting Purple Urkle Shatter is the ideal psychedelic high that represents them. The sweet, grape-like flavor is perfectly poppy, with intoxicating trippy accords and the meandering ability to make you forget what you’re doing. Like the shatter, Tame Impala is anything but tame.

Katy Winn/Invision/AP

Katy Winn/Invision/AP

10. Somewhat Stoopid – 5mg Individual Edible Gummies

If you just want to get a little silly, individual 5-milligram gummy treats are the way to go. Like Slightly Stoopid’s reggae-inspired tracks, they’re fun little hits that you can drink all day long. Gummie treats and Slightly Stoopid are like elevator Muzak, but delivered with a surprising amount of flavor.

Outside Lands is at Golden Gate Park at the Polo Fields, Hellman Hollow, and Marx and Lindley Meadows from Friday, August 7 to Sunday, August 9. Tickets for all three days are sold out.



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